You Have to See This Reporter‘s ‘Midnights’-Inspired Traffic Report
“Lets start down the shore,” Sheila Watko of NBC Philadelphia began. “Right now there’s no ‘Snow on the Beach,’ also no traffic on the Garden State Parkway. So that’s the good news. Unfortunately, I do also have to bring you the bad news, that’s kind of ‘The Great War’ of working in the traffic center — I’m the traffic ‘Anti-Hero.’”
After telling viewers about potential delays due to construction on one major thoroughfare, she warned, “Make sure to give yourself a little extra time, you don’t want to be thinking, ‘Ugh, ‘Would’ve Could’ve, Should’ve’ left a little earlier and avoided getting stuck in this backup,” as one of the anchors off screen began laughing and clapping at her ingenuity.
From there, Watko stepped it up a notch, dropping track names in rapid-fire succession. “This is not a ‘Glitch,’ Lucy,” she said. “Looking great out there, ‘Sweet Nothing’ in both directions. This is our ‘Karma’ for dealing with that earlier construction … for dealing with an earlier vehicle fire. And if we take a wide look at the area, you’re gonna see that most of our map is actually ‘Bejeweled‘ with these green roads.
“But this map is very fickle,” the traffic reporter continued. “After six o’clock, we’re gonna get a lot of ‘High Infidelity,’ gonna see a lot more red on this map … Right now, a camera shot like this, looking clear, that just ‘Hits Different.’ It looks great. But give this about 20 minutes, delays are gonna be ‘Bigger Than the [Whole] Sky.’ This map is gonna be looking so red, it’ll almost be ‘Maroon.’”
Turning her attention to South Philly, where a Smashing Pumpkins concert was taking place at the Wells Fargo Center, Watko then rattled off references to “Labyrinth,” “You’re on Your Own, Kid,” “Dear Reader” and “Vigilante Shit” before ending with her own shoutout to Swift, saying, “There’s no ‘Question…?’ that it’s red October. However, I am in a ‘Lavender Haze’ today because the ‘Mastermind’ Taylor Swift, she released Midnights!”
Watch Watko’s full Swiftian traffic report below.